If one in every four individuals of a state was to experience an “affliction” leading to pain, injury and death we would have proclaimed that there is an “epidemic” outbreak in the state. And yet, when that same statistics is reported as a consequence of “domestic violence” in the US, we are unconcerned.

Immigrant women constitute a large part of those “battered” women. But domestic violence does not figure in the discussions about the glamorous NRI lifestyles where only professional achievements, financial success, philanthropy towards India are emphasized repeatedly. The media does not speak about it and the NRI community refuses to accept it. The middle class of the Indian society, which is the ‘pool’ for NRI students and professionals, and also where there is a practice of women marrying NRIs, remains in deliberate and blissful ignorance of this violence.

If only education or economic empowerment would be the answers to reducing gender based violence, domestic violence would not exist amongst non resident Indian communities. In USA alone, several Indian and South Asian women’s organizations are dealing with victims of domestic violence all across the country. Almost two decades ago, Manavi emerged as the first organization to work with battered South Asian women who find themselves trapped in a foreign land. Since then, many groups like, Sakhi in NY, Asha for women in MD, Saheli in TX, Apna Ghar in Chicago and many other have sprung across the country (http://www.umiacs.umd.edu/users/sawweb/sawnet/orgn.html). They create local centers of support and rescue for Indian and other south Asian women living in different parts of America.

A sample study across these organizations show that the sufferers belong to a wide range of economic, social and ethnic diversity. Over 85% of the victims are women and they range from educated women in professions, to those who work minimum wage part time jobs in restaurants and stores, or can not work due to their “dependent” visa status. Similarly, the variability in the profiles of the oppressors is also astounding. One of the coordinators of Asha for women in Washington DC relates how her first three “clients” were wives of engineers from the prestigious IIT in India, some of whom were class mates of her own husband !!

Violence against women is an issue throughout the world. But every community adds its own dimensions to perpetuate the violence. Cultural evils like dowry demands, social evils like alcoholism, patriarchy and its stereotypes, and even the absence of an acceptable law stigmatizing domestic violence as a crime in India, add to the fact that we pay no heed to this phenomenon in the NRI society. At the same time, though the “cultural issues” leading to domestic violence are very similar between families living in India and in the US, there are several other factors in addition to the common ones that need to be considered, when the victim is living abroad:

a. The cultural and social isolation of being in a foreign land: Owing to the fact that many Indian women step into a foreign land after their marriage, and given the fact that a large number of marriages in India are still “arranged” to a degree where the couple interact with each other only after the wedding, life in a ‘foreign land’ can be very overwhelming. Food, clothing, mannerisms and other cultural aspects appear alien to the Indian lifestyle and value system. Very often, women in India are not fluent in speaking English and may have a very hard time either communicating with people from another culture or understanding them or making friends. In such a state, she may find it very difficult to find someone that’s he can confide in about her marital problems. Often this cultural isolation leads to acute depressions.

b. Lack of financial independence and immigration status – This situation can arise if the woman does not have a job or independent visa status and is financially dependent on her husband who controls all her expenses – food, travel, clothing, phone calls. In many cases, even when the woman has a job, her finances may be completely under the control of her husband or his family, who in turn decide her expenditure priorities. The geographical distance as well as social embarrassment may prevent her from asking financial help from either her family or friends. In some cases, the husband or his family may blatantly abuse her to extract money from her family using dowry as an excuse. In many cases however, curbing a woman’s financial freedom or threatening her visa status is a common step to ensure her dependence. A large factor in a woman's silence is her fear of the immigration laws. Due to the recent signing of the Welfare, the Anti-Terrorism, and the Anti-Immigration Acts, the rights of an immigrant woman have been decreased.

c. Social taboo – While lack of information and immigration issues discourages the first generation immigrant women to speak up, those belonging to latter generations do not admit to the violence due to cultural issues. Divorce is still a huge taboo in the Indian communities. Many NRIs perceive a “discussion” on domestic violence in the Indian society as disrespect to the Indian culture, divorce as detrimental to the upbringing of the children if there are any, and continue to live in denial about the severity of the problem.

There are definitely a number of resources available to those women struggling through violent situations whose primary concern is dealing with a woman's safety and helping her control her own life. Luckily for the groups working on the cause, the victims are often entitled to a large amount of support resources by the US government. If the woman can break the cycle of violence and step out to defend herself, organizations will lead them to temporary shelters and homes. Certain organizations like Manavi and Apna Ghar have their own shelters. Others like Asha for women are connected to those run by non profits in the city. In a typical shelter, a few inmates live together, share chores and responsibilities like cooking, cleaning and help each other through a difficult period. Most of the women victims are entitled to a stipend that would include their food, their travel by public transport and other miscellaneous expenses. Their personal information is preserved with highest secrecy for their safety in these shelters. A woman who has typically never worked before is encouraged to enhance her skills, take free English lessons, find jobs and become self sufficient. She is given free counseling if she needs it. The social workers help find lawyers, who defend their divorce cases or get legal protection from the Court, free of cost. At every step however, the policies of the organizations remain that the client will be encouraged to do as much as possible for ‘herself’ while the organization provides guidance and support. For example, she will be encouraged to keep copies of all her documents and speak to her own lawyer, to the best of her ability. At the same time, very often her preferences and choices e.g. food habits etc are respected

The US based women’s organizations and shelters set an excellent standard in terms of human dignity on how to work with victims of violence. Contrary to the perceptions that exist in the society that the shelters are bleak and depressing places, they perhaps provide a more secure atmosphere and opportunities for the woman to build up her self esteem and acclimatize to the new society.

But the responsibilities of a civil society do not end with just providing curative answers like “shelters” and “women’s organization” to the victims of domestic violence. Along with the support plan, we have to think of preventive procedures that actively work to generate awareness against the violence.

a. Financially and socially support the work of the women’s organizations
b. Give space to discussions on domestic violence in public forums
c. Create support groups
d. Target “education” as a tool for generating awareness amongst children and youth.
e. Compulsory information dissemination through embassies.
f. Acknowledgement of domestic violence as a major problem in the NGO sector and the civil society intelligentsia.

The victims of “domestic violence” are not just women. We have to realize that this actually translates to “violent” families and a “violent” society. We have to identify that each entity within the family is a victim of the violence – the “abused” woman whose human rights are clearly violated, the “abuser” who should be treated as a clinical/ social patient, as well as the children who may grow up in such families. Apathy and silence on the better part of the society can only harm the welfare and health of any civil society.

Vaijayanti Gupta