One wants money. The other wants the girl married at any cost. The
exchange takes place. This is the blatant exchange group where demands
are outlined clearly.

The recorded cases and tales that hit the limelight fall into this category. Legal action can be taken only against this group. Eventually, this number might dwindle.

The numbers that are on the increase are those that fall into the subtle exchange group. In this category also there is money on one side and a girl to be married on the other. The exchange takes place with or without a bargain. No legal action can be taken against the
demands or desires of this majority. This group argues about big and small weddings; jewellry, clothes, cars, and trappings for the house or a miniscule version of all this decor. This group debates on who pays for these expenses or if they should be shared. Excuses galore about wedding extravaganza are made: 'It's a once in a lifetime thing.' 'If my parents have the money,why not?' 'This is the only thing my parents ask of me.' 'What kind of a wedding do you expect me to have?' 'It's not dowry. They are gifts.' 'It's my money, dammit.' Within the argument of choice, these statements are certainly valid.
If the choice is to beg, borrow, earn and spend on a wedding then isn't it the individual's prerogative to do so? However, coming from a culture weighed down by violence and death triggered by marriage expenses can we really justify our arguments?

Every year 25,000 Indian brides are killed and maimed over monetary/material disputes. But we have become oblivious to the numbers. We are not outraged by violence and we believe that it will neither happen to us not do we perpetuate it. But the fact is that we are not innocent bystanders. Around the world, norms and legislations decree upon
marriage a special status. The emphasis and importance given to this institution leaves an individual with little choice and most of us choose to partake in the ritual of marriage. The question is: how do we go about that ritual? In thinking about choice can we think about the consequences of choice?

There are no easy answers. But there can be conscious decisions.

Pavithra is an Assistant Professor of English/Film/Women’s Studies and can be reached by e-mail at zen.wat@gmail.com.

Related Articles:
Engendering Gender Education
Domestic Violence – The Unreported Epidemic
“Say No to Dowry” Campaign
Molested School Girls and the Mystery of Skewed Literacy Ratios