Dear Mr. President
I am concerned about the laws that the INS has promulgated which affect visas to foreigners as well as their stay in the US. Given that South Asians have contributed significantly to the economy of the US, you should worry about not attracting the brightest from South Asia when you hinder their ability to come to the US and stay here. I am worried that such policies will seriously affect the economy of the US, especially at a time when the economy is not doing too well.
Concerned about INS

Dear CAINS
I appreciate your concerns about the American economy. It warms my heart to see such concern in my South Asian subjects. While I am touched to see that you have taken time out of your busy schedule to write this letter, I would advise you to write similar letters to your own countries. If you are not aware, I would like to draw your attention to more stringent rules that foreigners in South Asia must follow – from reporting to the local police station every day to getting the hosts to get permission for a foreigner to be able to stay overnight at their abode. What is more atrocious is that while most of our INS laws are applied to people who do not look like us – middle easterners, Africans, Asians, South Asians and others who were not part of the original American dream, your laws are applied to people who look like you – other South Asians. I hope you will do the needful.

Dear Mr. President
I wonder why you pressurize third world countries to reduce trade barriers while the United States continues to impose barriers on agricultural products. For example, in 2002, as much as eighty percent of farm revenue in Minnesota was based on subsidies. Is that not doublespeak?
Wondering About Hypocrisy

Dear WAH!
I suggest you stop whining. Every country needs to look out for itself. We are doing the same. This is a competitive world where the top dog wins the race. Believe me, we are the biggest dog that ever was and that is not going to change if we can help it. We just don’t bark; we bite as well. In Vietnam we bit of more than we could chew. It was a case of an over anxious adolescent pup. Now, you have seen us bite in Iraq as well as Afghanistan. We will grab as much resources as we can so that we can keep becoming bigger. To assume any nobility or fair play is a mistake in your part.

Dear Mr. President
Why does India state that it does not want US intervention when in fact it looks for US to support its every move? For example, it states very clearly that it does not want third party intervention in solving the Kashmir dispute but turns to the US to apply pressure on Musharraf.
Very Confused

Dear VC
What can I say? India wants to be the neighborhood bully – that’s what a superpower is. Really, what’s so big about being a superpower? Only, that you can bully people around and twist their arms so they listen to you. I should know – I am the biggest bully. But I digress!

So India wants to look like this tough kid in the neighborhood. The situation is rather funny. For the next toughest kid keeps sneaking up and pinching India. And the Pakistan worries that it will be beaten in an open fight so it will not walk into one. And India cannot go all out and beat the other kid since India has an image to keep. Besides, India does not know for sure that the tough kids in town (who are bigger bullies than India is) are supporting India. So on one hand India tells every one else to keep out of its fight and yet keeps complaining every time Pakistan pokes India in the eye.

We find a great opportunity for us. We really want to extend our bullying influence over India’s corner as well. So we keep suggesting to India that we might be in its corner but never say it straight out. So India keeps giving us bits of concession in its region so that we can give credibility to its claim to be the neighborhood bully. Similarly, Pakistan wants us on its side so it keeps giving us tidbits too. And then we can exploit both of them. Just like the story of two cats who wanted to divide a fish and went to the monkey for help.

But I am now confused. I don’t remember which story led to which and what your question was. Wonder how they made me president?

Dear Mr. President
Don’t you understand that the world’s environment is in crisis? That global warming in near? Why does US not sign the Kyoto protocol and other treaties that attempt to solve some of these problems within a specific timeline, given that US is indeed amongst the largest generator of wastes and consumer of resources?
Friend of the Environment

FOE (nobody calls a FOE, ‘dear’!)
What is environment?